after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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