i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
