This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
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