Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
