That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
