It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
