Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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