bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
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