do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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