She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
