quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Randomize
