Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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