we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
