I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
