And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
