can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
