I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
