the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
