im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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