We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
