my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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