Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
