There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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