I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
