I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Is Oprah even human
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
