Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
