i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
