i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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