he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
