If that was your dad, he is hot
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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