So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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