I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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