I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
