So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
My penis needs a shock collar
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
