either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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