PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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