i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
