i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She told me I should be a condom model.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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