His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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