So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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