I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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