the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
