You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
