There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
