Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
