Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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