I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
