I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
