Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
