I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
