a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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