Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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