When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
